You're Doing Something Right

Hey you. Yes, you!

Do you feel as though you're just completely horrible at life? Do you wake up in the morning and just think "I don't wanna 'adult' today"? Is money, family, relationships, and work getting you down?

If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, then boy, do I have good news for you.

You're doing something right! Yes, your life is not a total disaster and you're going to be okay. So sit back, relax, and get ready to be amazed at just how wonderful you really are!

1. You are so past that phase where your relationships are empty and meaningless. You know what you look for in a friend, and you surround yourself with people who support you. And you support them, too!

2. You don't have millions of dollars, but that hasn't stopped you from having loads of experiences. Every day can be an adventure if you put your mind to it.

3. You know how to reach out to people and form lasting relationships. Good on ya!

4. You've overcome a ton of hardships and you haven't let them stop you from living.

5. You have learned to let go. No, I don't mean just letting go of your hopes and dreams and giving up. I mean you've learned to let go of the people and habits that drag you down. It's good to know who supports you and also who doesn't support you.

6. You can look in the mirror and appreciate the person looking back at you.

7. You can speak positively to yourself and give yourself a break. There are enough critics in the world; give yourself a compliment!

8. You're okay with making mistakes. Again, no need to beat yourself up. Nobody's perfect.

9. You know how to love and be loved. And that there are different kinds of love.

10. You've learned to embrace change. It is totally natural, after all.

11. You've accepted that some things just don't work out. And that's okay. You focus more on solutions rather than failures.

12. You accept your friends and loved ones, and even yourself. Maybe they're not perfect and you're not perfect and that's perfectly fine!

13. You've traded in that microscope for a panoramic view. Instead of criticizing every minute detail, you've learned to focus on the bigger picture.

14. You can genuinely be happy for other people...even when things aren't going so well for you.

15. You accept your feelings and you're okay with not feeling happy 100% of the time. Really, nobody is happy all the time.

16. You've discovered your interests and you pursue them. You're crazy about crossword puzzles? Cool, own that!

17. You can accept a compliment. Give yourself some credit!

18. You don't get bogged down by the past or the future. Wherever you are right now, you're fully there.

19. You set goals and achieve them. Note: a goal doesn't have to be massive. Maybe you applied to a job today or you called an old friend. Kudos!

20. You are an active listener and you actually care about other people's problems. You don't just "nod and smile." Instead, you try to help others out.

21. You make sure to do something you love each and every day. Be it crossword puzzles, a bike ride, or a favorite video game.

<3

When I Grow Up...

It's the question we all seem to struggle with at some point in our lives: "What am I going to do when I grow up?" It's a heavy question. First of all, when are we "grown up"? And second, what exactly do we mean by "going to do"? Are we talking about a job? A career? An ultimate life dream?

I've struggled with this question a lot throughout the past few years. I've dabbled in teaching, writing, art, and Spanish. I've even worked in sales (which was a huge disaster). I'm a 24-year-old with a Bachelor's degree in Art and Spanish and I still don't really know what I want to do when I "grow up".

Which is kind of scary considering I'm engaged to be married.

How about this: I want to write about my interests; I want to travel and share those experiences with others; I want to educate people about eating disorders and mental illness; I want to share the goodness and power of God. Does that job exist? (I'm still waiting for an answer to that one!)

Isn't it about time we focused more on just being us, and not what the norms of this society tell us to be? Somewhere along the line we've decided that there is one ideal path: get a good job, make a lot of money, start a family, be awesome. Oh, and not to mention the other goals, such as have a perfect body, be happy all the time, own the latest technology, have a car, be the boss of your own life, pat yourself on the back for being so awesome.

Hmm, call me a rebel, but I'll pass. Don't get me wrong, I have goals. Plenty of goals. And there are people who really do want to become bosses and have a great family and finally get their dream car. And that's totally okay. I'm just fine with going at my own pace, and in a world where it seems as though everyone is racing to surpass everyone else, that's a bit intimidating. I've blogged before about how I feel behind my peers and former classmates. Yet I've realized that this is okay.

Everyone's path is different. That's the cool thing...we're all given this life and different talents and capabilities and our paths intertwine and we learn from each other and we teach other and most of all we love and support each other. Or at least, I like to think that we do.

So, what do I want to be when I grow up? I want to be Kaitlin; the best Kaitlin that I can be. Loving, kind, creative, funny, poetic, silly, adventurous, intelligent, dreamy, faithful, supportive, loyal, trusting, vulnerable, forgiving, open, curious, healthy.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

How Much is Too Much "Alone Time"?

About a year ago my fiance and I came up with the nickname "Kit Kat" for me. The thing is, it's more associated with a cat than a candy bar. I can be sweet, but I can also scratch. You see, I absolutely LOVE being alone. So much so that I think it's become a bit of a problem. Or...more than a bit of a problem.

Why do I like being alone so much? Because I can do things on my terms. I cook for myself. I do activities that I want to do. I listen to my favorite music. I wake up and go to bed when I want. And there's no annoying chitter-chatter ringing in my ears. It's all me and it's all good.

I realize how selfish that is.

How did this happen? Well, I spent a lot of time alone during college. I loved not having a room mate because I was a very atypical college student. I didn't like to go to parties or drink alcohol or be in a crowd. I now know that college isn't all about partying and drinking, but back then I sort of adopted this attitude that I was "above that." 

I realize how selfish that is.

Why is it a problem? Isn't it obvious? I've been distancing myself from others and isolating myself for so long. Now being alone is not only normal for me; it's my preferred state of being. But guess what? I'm getting married. I'm going to be living with another person all the time. We're going to do a lot of things together: cook, eat, sleep, rest, etc. And while my fiance knows that I need my quiet/alone time, there are still going to be times where he'll want to be with me. And that's totally fine; I want to be with him too! Except when I don't want to be.

I realize how selfish that is.

So my question is: how do I become social again? I kind of know what I need to do, but I'm just not pushing myself to do it. We really do spend our time doing things that we value, and for me, those things are very solitary: reading, writing, art, cooking. Even bicycling I prefer to do alone. But I also value my fiance, and I think I can start with letting go of "me, me, me" and focus on the relationship of "us". 

Wish me luck.

Keep Calm and Own Those Jeans!

I'm sitting here wondering why my tummy is feeling a bit upset. Then I unbuttoned my pants.

Ah, much better.

A year ago, this would've sent me into a downward spiral of adopting a restrictive diet and an insanely impossible workout routine. And copious amounts of stress. Now? I'm just gonna change into another pair of pants. Even though I really like these ones! They're my awesome yellow jeans!

They're also the awesome yellow jeans that were too big for me a year ago. That's because I was severely underweight and living an unhappy and unfulfilled life. Even though I thought I was happy, I was being controlled by an ugly eating disorder.

Now I actually care about myself. Do I still exercise? Yeah, but I have a healthy relationship with exercise. Do I eat? Um, heck yes! Just take this morning as an example. I had the most awesome brekkie ever:

Egg and Oatmeal Scramble, topped with avocado, salsa, and cheese (really, you have to try this.)

I just changed into another pair of jeans (these ones are orange, go figure) and I feel awesome. I'm beautiful and my pant size is not the indicator of that. Although I must admit...

I look REALLY good in these jeans! So no matter your pant size, own it! Because at the end of the day, no one really cares what kind of clothes you're wearing; how big or how small they are. They care about who you are: loving and loved; caring and cared for; beautiful inside and out.

Happy Friday, everyone!

A Post for Girl Power

Today I was inspired by two young women. One of them I knew personally while the other was someone I don't know too much about. Their stories are different, but at the heart they are pretty similar.

The first woman is someone I met while in college. She's pursuing her passion for makeup, and she's crazy-good at it! She's already created loads of makeup looks, from pretty and polished to scary and seething and everything in between. I am so proud of her for finding such a creative outlet to make her own. I know that it's been a tough road for her and she has finally found something that she loves and can share with others. Actually, you can check her out here.

The second woman is a young celebrity. Normally I'm not much for stalking the media or keeping tabs on anybody, and it's only by chance that I've been noticing this girl. She's been making waves across some different websites I follow and you can find the article that inspired me to write this post here. Yes, it's Zendaya! Now, I don't really know too much about this young lady, but I do know that she has been making waves for her eloquence and standing up for what's right. You've gotta hand it to her; she totally called out that fashion magazine for photoshopping her perfectly-fine body.

So what do these two stories have in common? These are two young women who are not afraid to be themselves. My friend is pursuing her passion even with limited resources and supplies. Zendaya is being a good role model in an industry that worships idealism. Both of them are being uniquely them.

When You Sweat the Small Stuff

Apparently it’s the National Day of Writing or whatever. Too bad I barely want to write. I’m dealing with this looming question mark hanging over my head…

To have a wedding or not to have a wedding. Major stressing about money and my lack thereof. Wedding bands, a venue, food…who to invite and who not to invite. Who will officiate? How much will all this cost? I don’t like this feeling.

I spoke to Matthew and I know that he wants something special. Not extravagant, but something more than a party that can be planned in a weekend. As for me, I’d love to just have a party and exchange vows during it. Boom! Married. No fuss.

Don’t get me wrong, I’d like to have a ceremony, too. I’m just worried about finances, and I know that I need to just drop that and just focus on what’s important: I’m going to marry the love of my life.

To keep this short (and bittersweet), I’ll finish up with reflecting on an article I read about Oprah. Yes, Oprah. She was talking about some cool people she’s met, including this one young person who passed away and spoke about how simple life actually was. It’s not about amassing material possessions or having all your dreams come true. It’s about relationships. With God, with family, with friends. With yourself. 

The Dress is Here

Not to be a hyper-excited bride-to-be, but my dress arrived today! Yes, I got engaged 8 days ago, but this little number was selected beforehand. I knew I was frugal and preferred the simpler things in life, but I never expected to spend so little on a wedding dress. Granted, it is more like a cocktail dress than a ball gown, but that's what I like. I think it sets the tone for a fun and festive wedding, which is what my fiance and I plan to have.

I wish I had a photo, but alas, not right now. I can't figure out how to fix my computer's camera and I'm still living in the dumbphone realm. So you will have to wait for pictures, mwuhahaha! I can still describe it to you though.

It hits just above the knee (maybe higher, if you ask my mom), and it has a high neckline with lace detail. It has short, capped sleeves and a slender bodice. I'm making these fancy terms up as I go along, so ...

Surprisingly, it was tight in the chest area (very surprising to me!) so I'll need to take it to a tailor, but I wasn't really expecting to be able to just slip it on and have it be perfect.

So, one of the most important aspects of my wedding is just about figured out. Matthew and I are doing everything we can to make this wedding ASAP (that is, As Simple As Possible). Who knew I would be planning my own wedding? This was not part of the plan I had for my life. I was supposed to be single for a long time, doing my own thing and loving it. Now I have a fiance and we're planning a life together forever.

And I couldn't be happier.

Always Double-Check the Locks

Today I learned that you should always ALWAYS double-check the locks on your doors. I visited a new church with my fiance and his family. The church was great, but I will probably not be returning there for at least a month or so. Let me explain.

If you know me, then you're aware that I always have an unquenchable thirst. Really, it's nearly impossible for me to sate my parched mouth. People have even asked me if I have diabetes or something. I have just accepted that I will be forever plagued with this insatiable thirst. Alas, such is my fate. That and a resting face that looks like a scowl.

Anyway, I brought a thermos of coffee with me and I was quickly guzzling through it. About three-quarters through the service, I couldn't stand it anymore. I had to get a drink. Obviously I had spotted a water source as soon as I walked into the church. Strangely enough, I hadn't scoped out a restroom, although I knew that it would most likely be near the water fountain. 

So, I slipped out into the main lobby during worship, thermos-in-hand (I had of course chosen a seat at the end of the aisle) and I almost immediately found the restroom. Yes, I was right; it was in the same location as the water fountain. It was a single-person bathroom, and the door was clearly ajar, so I just walked right in. 

No worries, it was empty. And nice, I gotta say. You can tell a lot from a place by the way they treat their bathrooms. I mean, it's a great place to reflect and be still. Makes sense for a church to have a nice restroom, am I right? 

I only had to make a quick visit here. It wasn't even 11 am yet, but I had already downed about 2 liters of water AND some coffee. So, I had to go. As I mentioned, it was a very neat and tidy restroom, and I once heard that "if it's neat, take a seat". So I did just that. 

Now I was full of liquid here, so sitting was a good idea. Squatting would've been a nice workout, though. All of a sudden, the door swings open and I'm staring straight into the eyes of some middle-aged dude.

Trauma.

He quickly apologizes and closes the door. I'm like a deer in headlights. What was I to do? Spring to my feet and close the door? Just sit there and try to cover up? Before I knew it, he was out of sight. Good.

And ALMOST IMMEDIATELY, another guy opens the door. This dude was older than the first guy and looked seriously freaked out. What in the world? Do people here not know that you should knock before you open the door to a restroom? 

Forget about finishing my business, I just try to get out of there as quickly as possible. I practically pounce on the door handle and click the lock. Apparently the click I heard the first time wasn't the lock. Hmph. I wash my hands and get out of there.

I'm so freaked out that I forget to flush the toilet, so I backtrack and do so while the restroom door is open. At this point I don't even care if anyone hears it. I peek my head around the corner to check if the two intruders are there, but the lobby is totally deserted. The coast is clear.

I slink back to my seat, grab my fiance's hand, lean over, and whisper in his ear. "We can never come back to this church again." He gives me a puzzled look and I explain what happens. He holds back a laugh and says that I have to tell his parents. It's just too ridiculous. 

Service ends 5 minutes later, and I tell them about it. We share a laugh, but I'm still traumatized and vow that the only way I can return to this church (that I actually really liked) is to cut my hair a new way or something. Everyone assures me that it'll all be okay. The restroom invaders will forget about it soon enough. 

I have an easier time believing that than I do the fact that men don't knock before entering a restroom. May this be a lesson to us all.