Calling Out Old Triggers

I have felt on fire these past two weeks. I wake up, I eat, I play, I talk, I pray, I live. Life is no longer a chore; something that I should do because I'm still here. It has much more meaning, and I firmly believe it's an answer to prayer.

It's been a bit surreal seeing life without my ED glasses. It is almost a game; spotting the things that once triggered me so much. It breaks my heart to know that I used to slowly kill myself with starvation because I saw someone or heard something that applauded our absolutely absurd ideals of beauty.

Some reactions I've had in the past few days:

*While watching The Little Mermaid:
Me: "Ariel needs a normal waist! She's "pretty," but I like my waist" (Did I really say I liked my waist? Yes, I did! Awesome!) Matthew: "Yeah, and why is her hair so bouncy after jumping out of the ocean?" (Good point.)

*While walking past a clothing store window:
Me: "No wonder we're screwed up; that mannequin has no room for internal organs!"

*While watching a TV comedy:
Character: "I have a lot on my plate. And I don't mean that literally."
Another character: "Oh, I know tons of ways to make someone throw up."
Yet another character: "I can handle babysitters. I chew them up and spit them out. Just like I do with my food." (Really?!?! Totally insensitive...)

Now, I know I can't live in a world that is totally perfect and free of triggers. There are plenty of times when I make fun of my "trigger warnings," because it really is absurd. I know the media is not to entirely to blame for eating disorders or distorted body image or low self-esteem. However, the media is certainly not helping.

Without a whole lot of reality-checking, thought-challenging, and a decent support system, it is extremely easy for people like me to fall into the trap of thinking what society tells us is how we really should be. Fortunately, I have been gaining a lot of confidence and becoming quite skilled in filtering the garbage from the truth. Just looking at the progress I've made in 6 months; 3 months; 1 month...it's incredible!

Just a year ago I was having some kind of crisis; I felt so lost and alone. I feel very blessed to have this life, and to be given a second chance. Life after ED. Living according to truth, not lies! Life with people who love me and care for me and help me. I hope to do the same for them. I want to focus on that, rather than on triggers.